By: Jamie Gahagan, MACP

Many adults find themselves asking a confusing and often shame-filled question: “I had a good childhood… so why am I struggling now?”
Maybe you grew up in a stable home. Your basic needs were met. There was no obvious abuse or neglect. And yet, here you are, feeling anxious, exhausted, numb, disconnected, or overwhelmed by life in ways you can’t quite explain.

If this resonates, you’re not broken, ungrateful, or making things up. And you’re certainly not alone.

Let’s unpack what might actually be going on.

The Myth of the “Perfect” Childhood

One of the biggest misconceptions in mental health is that trauma only comes from extreme or obvious events. In reality, trauma isn’t defined by what happened, it’s defined by how your nervous system experienced and adapted to it.

You can have:

Loving parents
No major losses or abuse
A generally “happy” upbringing

…and still struggle later in life.

Why? Because emotional experiences exist on a spectrum, and subtle or chronic stressors often go unnoticed, especially when they were normalized.

Trauma Isn’t Always About What Happened — Sometimes It’s About What Didn’t

Many adults who say they had a good childhood later discover there were emotional gaps, not overt harm. For example:

You weren’t encouraged to express difficult emotions
You learned early to be “easy,” “strong,” or “the responsible one”
Emotional needs were unintentionally minimized
Love was present, but conditional on behaviour or achievement
You had to grow up quickly

None of these experiences mean your caregivers failed. But they can shape how your nervous system learned to survive.

Why Struggles Often Show Up in Adulthood

Childhood is adaptive. If something is hard, kids adjust, because they have to. Adulthood, however, is often where those adaptations stop working.

You might notice:

Anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere
Chronic people-pleasing or perfectionism
Emotional numbness or feeling “dead inside”
Burnout despite doing “everything right”
Difficulty resting or feeling safe
Guilt for struggling when life looks fine on paper

These are often signs of a nervous system that learned to stay on high alert, even when danger is no longer present.

Emotional Suppression Is a Survival Skill… Until It Isn’t

If you grew up learning to suppress emotions to maintain harmony, avoid conflict, or stay connected to caregivers, your nervous system may still be operating from that rulebook.

Over time, suppressed emotions don’t disappear, they show up as:

Anxiety
Depression
Fatigue and brain fog
Irritability or shutdown
Disconnection from joy or meaning

This is your body communicating.

You Don’t Need a “Big T” Trauma to Be Affected

Many people dismiss their struggles because they don’t feel their experiences were “bad enough.” This comparison often keeps people stuck and unsupported.

But trauma isn’t a competition.
Your pain doesn’t need to be justified to be real.

If your system learned that the world wasn’t emotionally safe in subtle ways, it adapted, and now it may need support to relearn safety.

Healing Starts With Compassion, Not Self-Blame

Struggling now doesn’t mean your childhood was a lie. It means you’re noticing something your system carried quietly for a long time.

Healing often begins when we replace:

“What’s wrong with me?”
with
“What happened to me, and how did I adapt?”

This shift alone can reduce shame and open the door to meaningful change.

You’re Allowed to Get Support, Even If Your Childhood Was “Good”

You don’t need a dramatic backstory to seek help. You don’t need permission. And you don’t need to prove that your pain is valid.

If you’re struggling now, that’s reason enough.

Whether through therapy, nervous system regulation, self-reflection, or trauma-informed support, healing is about meeting yourself where you are, not where you think you should be.

Final Thought…

A good childhood doesn’t guarantee an easy adulthood. And struggling now doesn’t erase the good that came before.

It simply means your system is asking for care.

And that’s something you deserve.

“I Had a Good Childhood, So Why Am I Struggling Now?”